Hiccups
by Pantherstrike
Summary: Draco gets the hiccups and chaos ensues. HPDM SLASH ONE-SHOT Crackfic slightly OOC but really cute


They stumbled into the Hall tired and sweaty but satisfied. They had already dropped off their brooms and were starving from the one-on-one seekers match they played. Draco had won the first, Harry the second and the third was a tie since they had preferred snogging to seeking at that particular time. It was noon and they had all Saturday to do what they wanted. Well… what they wanted to do with their friends since they had promised the girls they'd go to Hogsmeade with them. What they really wanted to do wasn't exactly a group activity.

"Come on you lazy sod they'll leave without us!" Harry tugged on his boyfriend's arm impatiently holding a biscuit in his other hand. "And that would be a bad thing why?" Draco scowled but doing as he was told he chugged his pumpkin juice down and they ran to their friends gasping for breath.

The group walked down the trail a few minutes later. And that's when disaster struck.

For Draco at least. "Hic!" a pause then a startled "What the hell—hic!" Harry started to laugh at his confused look. His crinkled nose was a mixture of indignation at the possibility of a Malfoy having something so mundane and frustration at not knowing how to get rid of it. "You got the hiccups when you chugged your pumpkin juice." Draco's expression was horrified. "Oh nonononono Malfoy's don't get hiccups."

Harry kissed his cheek. "Malfoy's aren't gay either but I guess you're the exception for a lot of Malfoy's." The Malfoy in question glared menacingly then hiccupped for added effect. Meanwhile the others had tuned in to listen. "You've never had the hiccups before?" Hermione asked curiously. "No" he sulked. "Hic—Ow that one hurt! How do you get them to stop?"

"You could walk back to Hogwarts to get a remedy from Pomfrey if it gets to be too much." Ron said seriously knowing Draco wouldn't go and be miserable and embarrassed either way.

"Or you could hold your breath." Said Neville "Gran always said that was the best way."

"Drink some water." Put in Pansy helpfully. "Actually" Theo interrupted "You drink water upside-down." Pansy scowled at being interrupted "That's ridiculous" "No its not!"

"You could," Luna put in dispersing the incoming argument "seek the help of the Corful Nicklepicks" Neville stifled a laugh and squeezed her hand catching the wink she threw him.

"Isn't it obvious?" Blaise grinned slowly, "We have to scare him." Draco snorted disdainfully then hiccupped. "Well that's easy I just have to look at your face."

"What are you scared of Malfoy?" Ron asked seriously. "Weasels" Draco replied just as serious. "Hic!"

"I love this! His insults aren't even offensive when he's having a hiccup attack."

Theo suddenly jumped in front of them and screamed in Draco's face. Draco just looked at him expectantly and hiccupped. "Is that really the best you've got?" Theo shrugged and they continued walking and ambled through the gates.

"So what are you afraid of?" Neville asked not knowing if he would get a sarcastic answer or not. Draco replied truthfully not wanting to hurt the shy Gryffindor he used to pick on. "I'm really not sure. Nothing small like snakes or spiders" Lucky for Ron, Draco didn't notice his wince because he was recovering from the latest hiccup.

"Nothing you can scare me with." He finished. "Like?" Harry prodded, (anyone else and they would've been hexed even Neville)

"Snake face for one, the Bearded Lady for another—" Harry interrupted "Who?"

Draco smiled devilishly. "I bet you didn't know all the Slytherin's in Umbridge's squad called her the Bearded Lady behind her back." Pansy laughed "Goyle accidentally called that to her face. He spent the next 3 weeks cleaning the Hogwarts toilets without magic."

Harry bumped Draco with his hip. "What else?" he questioned as they made their way through the crowd. "Werewolves, my father, you getting hurt, my godfather on a bad day—"

"Wait you're scared for me?" Draco suddenly stopped and held open the door to the three broomsticks so the others could go inside. "Of course I care about you." He then turned and regarded his boyfriend coolly before smacking him over the head. "Dumbass" Draco spun on his heel and walked in dramatic effect lessened by a hiccup. Harry grinned as Draco growled in frustration. Harry ran up and kissed him on the cheek. "I care about you too." Harry happily sat down with their friends in a huge table in a darker corner and dragged his increasingly frustrated boyfriend onto his lap.

Harry grinned. "I have an idea to get rid of your hiccups!" Draco brightened and stopped trying to get free of Harry's grasp. They were in public for Merlin's sake! "What is it?" Harry suddenly looked uncertain. "You might not like it." Draco rolled his eyes. "I'm sitting in your lap in the 3 Broomsticks like a blasted trophy. What could be worse?"

Not letting the blonde think his words through, Harry kissed him until they were both breathless.

"Really?" Ron asked looking slightly sickened. Draco's face flamed. "Harry!" he hissed mortified. Harry looked a little too smug. "I once heard that breathing heavily helps get rid of the hiccups." His innocent look didn't fool anyone and Draco looked ready to throttle him. A giggling waitress came to take their order and winked at the flustered blonde causing his face to flame further.

When she walked away Seamus realized something. "Did it work? Because if it did, I wouldn't mind the hiccups." He leered at Theo who rolled his eyes playfully.

A loud hiccup was his answer followed by a smack that was Draco's palm hitting his forehead. Harry frowned and rubbed at the reddened spot. "You're being awfully possessive" Draco grumbled certainly not pouting. He wasn't a teddy bear!

"So what does everyone want to do today? We have a couple of hours to spend." Hermione started once their drinks had arrived. Nev sipped his drink. "I want to go to the Apothecary to pick up spider lily seeds for Madam Pomfrey." Draco nodded. "The new volume of Guide to Young Potions Masters is supposed to be in." He hiccupped. "Fuck" Luna sighed dreamily. "I heard that a ring of Star Roses attracts the Spinderflys."

"Then it's settled then." Dean hummed. "First stop the Apothecary, then Honeydukes, and the Wesley twin's new shop that they had just opened here." Ginny butted in. "Don't forget the Quality Quittich Supply shop they have here." "Okay" Blaise said "Let's spilt up and meet at the Twins shop in an hour." No one noticed the glint in his eyes that meant he was planning something. If Draco wasn't fighting off blushes at Harry's anything but prude whispers in his ears, then he would've noticed those certain mischievous looks had been sent in his direction.

Draco started to choke on his butterbeer. He had hiccupped while taking a sip.

Pansy, Theo, Dean and Seamus, went to Honeydukes while Neville, Luna, Draco and Hermione headed to the Apothecary. Blaise followed Harry, Ron and Ginny in to the Quittich supply store.

Blaise pulled Harry aside. "I have an idea to give Draco a heart attack for two reasons. One, to get rid of his hiccups and Two, in revenge for spelling a tiara on my head after calling him princess one to many times."

Harry fought back a laugh, "What is it?"

"Well it's impossible to crack him. He doesn't get scared. I have a plan to change that but we need the Weasley Twins though I'm sure they'd love to help. It all centers on you though."

Harry grinned. He'll probably be sleeping on the floor for the rest of forever, but it might just be worth it.

"I'm listening…"

Draco ignored Hermione's laugh as he over-dramatically hugged his new book. He knew he was going to be spending late nights in the dungeons forever asking his godfather questions and Harry's bed will be colder because of it but he knew Harry would forgive him. But he was going to do something extra to make up for it anyway. A collar maybe? A silver one with red rubies. Maybe an engraving? Something sweet and innocent that with drive Harry's Gryffindor ego wild…

He hiccupped breaking his particular raunchy train of thought. Dammit. First get rid of the hiccups. Hiccups were not sexy.

He followed Hermione to the Twins' new store, a towering white building with at least 3 levels with bright red, blue green and yellow polka-dots everywhere. In other words it was really hard to miss. And was really crowded. They pushed their way through and Fred spotted them first almost like he was looking for them.

"Hey Hermione! Get over here Blondie!" Draco stuffed his book into his bag. "Charming as usual." He muttered then hiccupped. Hermione elbowed him. Or it could've been the gaggle of 4th years next to him. He couldn't really tell since it was hard to breath in the overcrowded store.

Fred led them up some side stairs towards his workroom. "I heard you got the hiccups Blondie, I'd give you the antidote to Hiccupping Hearts but there's a 50% chance your hair will turn purple. The others are up here. Harry volunteered to test some new products and—"There was an explosion from the door a few stairs up and everyone froze.

Draco paled. He didn't need to hear Fred's muttered 'oh shit' to know something was wrong. He bolted up the stairs and wrenched open the door and coughed on the smoke. His eyes were watering but he heard Ron's panicked breathing and Blaise and George's groans of pain. He didn't hear Harry. "Harry!" Draco ran in and it didn't register that nothing was damaged at all.

He only saw Harry on the floor and he dropped down and shook his boyfriend gently but desperately. "Harry? Harry James Potter you better wake up." He was on the verge of a panic attack when he saw Harry's eyes were open. And he was grinning and the smoke was nearly gone and…

BANG!

Draco screamed and spun around and found Ron and Blaise rolling on the floor laughing a spent exploding snap on the ground. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"

Blaise wiped the tears from his eyes. "Y-your- face!" he collapsed again. "Was priceless!"

Draco was confused and angry. Livid actually. Fred was grinning from the doorway and the smoke was completely gone. There was no sign of an explosion at all. Harry chuckled behind him. "They were trying to scare you love. Blaise wanted revenge for that Tiara incident and to get rid of your hiccups. After all you only get scared when I'm hurt so they created a fake accident, then while you're scared they startle you again to make sure."

Harry got to his feet and pulled Draco with him kissing his cheek. "Harry?"

"Yes?"

"I think my hiccups are gone but to make sure…" Draco leaned forward and Harry leaned forward too smiling thinking he was going to get a kiss.

Draco socked him in the stomach and knocked the wind out of him. Harry gasped like a fish out of water. Draco kissed is forehead. "I love you but that was a mean trick, and you're sleeping on the floor." Harry nodded and gulped air trying to get his breath back.

Draco hummed grabbing his bag and absentmindedly turned Blaise's shirt pink and Ron's freckles started to glow. He wasn't stupid enough to hex the twin's in their own store. Hermione winked at him and they walked down the stairs to find the others.

Harry straightened and rubbed his sore stomach. His boyfriend could really punch hard if he wanted to. Then he stopped and the others saw he had a strange expression on his face. He felt a pressure in his midsection like he'd eaten too many Pumpkin Pastry's in a row.

Harry hiccupped.


End file.
